Finding Their Balance Read online

  “Alice is science smart.” In one solid, lanky press, Jay stoppered her discomfort. “Henry calls her his brilliant problem-solver. He’s so proud of the way she figures stuff out.”

  Henry called her his what? Why didn’t she know that?

  Jay quirked his lips. Surprising her made him damn happy and less hoppy. Either she’d calmed him or Emma had.

  She shared his smile. “Thanks, Jay.”

  “Then teatime is just another design challenge, Alice.” Pouring out brisk warmth, Emma brought her hands together in a done-deal clap. “Start with questions.”

  “You sound like Henry.” Two pages of questions in her contract proposal. A four-hour interrogation afterward. “He always starts with questions.” Asked them in the middle and after, too. An art, the way Henry operated, but not an unscientific one. She’d ferret out the most suitable conversational curves so the guests delivered meaningful data without prodding.

  Emma chuckled. “That’s all him. Victor and I had nothing to do with it. He was already determined to tease every drop of information from his playmates when we met.”

  The difference between pride, bragging, or attempted reassurance eluded her. Emma kept her crunching limited data sets, scrounging for any return.

  Gazing past them, Emma waved. “But here, let me introduce you to someone.”

  She handed them off to a brunette in a lavender sundress, prompting the conversation by asking about the woman’s new job. When Emma left to circulate, Alice took over the questioning. Another woman joined their knot, and then another. The chatter encompassed work, summer vacation wishes, and obnoxious rent increases—and not at all the club or the activities they engaged in here.

  Hovering at her shoulder, Jay kept his head bowed and his tongue mute. She edged closer, brushing his chest, and he gradually joined the conversation until Emma’s voice rose over the crowd. Tight knots broke up in search of seats.

  Jay’s name filled a place card at the second table they circled. Alice’s did not.

  “We’re not together?” Leg twitching, Jay zoned out beside the table of unfamiliar names. Not Emma’s. Not the women they’d met so far. Jay and five strangers.

  Alice swallowed a curse. “Help me find my spot?”

  Two tables away, her name rested alongside five more unknowns. She studied angles. “I’ll be facing you, and you’ll be facing me.” Henry wouldn’t have asked Emma to split them up. The placements had to be her idea. “So if we need something….”

  “Tip of the head and a dash out the door?” As women took seats nearby, Jay raised his comedic defenses. “I can toss you over my shoulder.”

  “Try it and you’ll be apologizing all night, goof.” Her soft elbow in his ribs produced a teasing oof.

  “You know a threat’s supposed to be something I don’t want, right?” With a charming smile, he erased the tension in his face.

  “I’d never threaten you, sweetheart.” She graced his cheek with a friend-kiss and injected cheer in her whispered undertone. “I don’t think Emma meant to make us feel threatened, either. I’d rather have you at my side, but this makes logistical sense.” Her table started filling up. “We’ll interact more, make more friends.”

  “Right.” Scanning the room with murky brown eyes, he lost his smile. “Women friends.”

  The women here presumably preferred dominant men in their lives. But they’d banned dominance today, and Jay stood out as a curious anomaly. “Henry’s proud of you for trying. You heard him say so.”

  Pulling out her chair, he touched his lips to her head. “Thanks, Alice.” He hustled to his table without waiting for another of her lackluster pep talks.

  She sat across from a woman of Emma’s generation, poised and polished. Women somewhere in-between—younger than Emma, but older than Alice—occupied three seats. A younger girl dashed into the last.

  As Emma stood at the neighboring table, the room quieted.

  “Thank you all for joining me.” Her light tone carried through the sunny space. “It’s been a long while since our social sphere has held a regular gathering for submissive partners.” Clenching her chair back, Emma surveyed the attendees in a slow turn. “We’re going to correct this regrettable lapse. We are none of us alone, ladies and gentleman. We are each other’s support system.”

  Around the room, women nodded, including four of the five others at Alice’s table. The shy girl beside her kept her gaze trained on her plate. Her youth and demeanor stuck out among the smiling women in their mid-thirties or so, the ones comfortable in their skins.

  “Those of you with masters may have your own rules to follow, but let me remind all of you that tea is our chance to share and learn without strict supervision—no prying eyes or twitching ears.” Emma delivered her message in crisp, distinct syllables, the measured voice of a teacher or frequent lecturer. “Speak freely, and know everyone here is a friend eager to understand and willing to advise on any difficulties, whether accepting our own newfound desires, adjusting to a new dom’s methods, or hoping to return a spark to a longstanding relationship.”

  Women traded smiles and glances as Emma raised her name card. “Some of your dominants requested the opportunity for you to practice poise and service, so if your place card displays a teapot”—she tapped the one beside her own name—“please come with me now. You’ll be responsible for serving your tablemates.”

  Shy Girl sucked in a breath and scurried toward Emma. The teapot design tagged her as Leah. Others rose and followed. Jay lodged himself at the back of the pack, his athletic grace hobbled with short steps and hesitance.

  Silence reigned across the tables. A feather falling would’ve constituted a ruckus.

  “You know why a gathering of subs is so quiet, don’t you?” Joan, by the name on her place card, had been in Emma’s sphere earlier. Slim, stern, and matronly, she likely matched Emma in age. Despite her dry tone, her mouth twitched.

  “No one’s given them permission to talk.” The short-haired brunette to Joan’s left jumped in with a teasing singsong. Kelly, by her place card. “We all know that one, Joanie.”

  “Wrong.” Julie. Another brunette, much longer and a shade darker than Kelly. Hanging on to half these women’s names would be a feat. “It’s because bound hands can’t reach the straps on ball gags.”

  Kelly and Julie laughed like old friends, and the last unknown joined them. Giggling once, Alice locked amusement down as guilt hit. A submissive tied up and vulnerable hadn’t been a laughing matter for Jay.

  Crow’s feet lengthening, Joan smiled straight at her. “This is all new for you, isn’t it?”

  “A bit, yeah. I mean, yes.” She resisted the unladylike urge to shrug. “Did Emma tell you?”

  “She did, but that’s not how I know.” Joan shook out her napkin and laid it across her lap in time for Leah’s return with a two-tiered round platter of fancy little cakes.

  “Oh?” Catching Jay’s eye, she tossed him a smile over Joan’s shoulder as he carried a tray to his table. Henry might’ve suggested having submissives act as servers. Tasks calmed Jay like nothing else. “Then how?”

  “The lifestyle seems intense and serious when you’re starting out. You weren’t sure if laughter was acceptable.” Joan lifted a cake from the platter. A diamond-studded wedding band gleamed on her ring finger. “When you’re new, you don’t know what to say. How to act. What’s proper and what’s taboo.”

  Raw exposure grated. The rest of the women at the table knew each other. Tea gave them a chance to reestablish existing friendships. Every judgment Alice made about Leah’s naïve youth, these women thought about her.

  “You watch what everyone else does, and you tell yourself you’re your own woman and what they’re doing doesn’t matter, but the truth is it does, and that bothers you.” With admirable precision, Joan centered her cake on her plate. “I’m not so old I don’t remember.”

  “Yeah, but you’ve been with Leo for
ever.” Kelly nudged the older woman with a friendly shoulder-bump. “You’ve never jumped from dom to dom learning new rules every time.” The chair thumped and dragged as Kelly shuffled forward and glanced around the towering centerpiece of cakes. “How long have you been playing, umm, Alice?”

  “Just under a year.” August might win favorite month for the rest of her life.

  Julie whistled. “You’re practically a baby.”

  “I’m an adult.” Hell yes she was. Not like Leah, who poured tea at Alice’s elbow with a trembling hand. “Being new doesn’t make me infantile.”

  “Still sensitive about dependency and belonging.” Pursed lips failed to hide Joan’s smile. “It’s all right.”

  Alice bit back a snippy response and thanked Leah for her service.

  Coloring in a pale pink blush, Leah moved on.

  “She’ll get over that soon enough.” Kelly held out her teacup. “Alice, Julie didn’t mean to sound gauche. This place attracts an established crowd. You must have had a submissive friend? Or met a great guy and discovered his unusual hobbies?”

  Henry expected her to make friends. Emma’d probably chosen the seating arrangements for a purpose she didn’t comprehend.

  “I met—” Henry was hers. Hers and Jay’s, and no one else’s. Their love occupied a new space in her life. “Um.” Describing what they meant to her, talking about their relationship with strangers, roiled her stomach. Hell, she hadn’t fully explained things to her sister. “It was—”

  “We’re being unfair, piling on Alice when she doesn’t know a thing about us.” Joan thanked Leah for pouring her tea and received a hesitant head bob in return. “We’ll come back to you, Alice. We’ve more than enough to chatter about. I have my Leo—twenty-nine years—but Kelly and Julie have yet to settle down, isn’t that so?” She talked right over their nods. “And Shannon—it’s been too long. Are you still with Bryan?”

  “I am. He and Marissa are expecting a baby.” Hands flying, Shannon gestured as if every word required a push for sustenance. “I thought we’d have to cut back, but with the stress he’s been wanting a more frequent outlet.”

  “Your lover’s having a baby with someone else?” Fuck. Self-censorship would be a great skill to practice. “Sorry—”

  Shannon waved her off. “No need. Bryan and I aren’t lovers. He’s my dom. Marissa’s his wife.”

  A flurry of questions turned the conversation lively and unstoppable. The more the others talked about their relationships, current and former, the less her nerves jangled. She even managed, without naming Henry, to admit that her current dominant was her first, and he’d introduced her to the club, and the level of attention and control he offered suited her perfectly.

  Attempts to draw Leah into conversation failed, as she blushed every time Alice spoke to her. Leah’s dominant must yank the leash awfully hard. And she looked young, from Alice’s oh-so-high perch of twenty-eight.

  Might’ve been Leah’s French braid. Or her baby pink shirt with the knee-length pink-and-black plaid skirt. Or the white socks with the folded-over cuffs. If Leah’s dom had picked her clothes the way Henry had chosen hers and Jay’s, the man’s schoolgirl fetish clanged loud as a fire alarm. Henry’s choices suggested the two of them formed a matched set of capable adults. Maybe Leah’s dominant dressed her in schoolgirl chic because he’d sent her to learn. Alice refrained from asking.

  The women surrounding Jay wore neutral masks and plodded through inconsequential talk, nothing driving a visible reaction. He’d looked happy—well, not unhappy—serving tea. But she’d lost track of him when the conversation took off, and now he sat head bowed, shoulders hunched, and plate untouched.

  Perching in his lap would go too far, but dragging her chair over? Or flat-out taking him by the hand and leaving. She’d disappoint Henry and piss off Emma, but Jay in distress trumped both.

  Emma stood, and the chatter evaporated. “If you’ve finished your tea, please find a seat on the far side of the salon.” In a sweeping gesture, she encompassed the collection of chairs and short couches. “Those of you who’ve attended before undoubtedly remember our open-floor discussions of yesteryear.”

  Chuckles sounded around the room, including from most of Alice’s tablemates. Awkward, stony silence marked the women at Jay’s table.

  “For those who haven’t, the guiding principle is merely this: All topics are open for thoughtful conversation and assistance, so long as participants treat each other with respect.”

  First at her table to stand, Alice still launched herself too slowly to catch Jay. Her table was near the windows, the sunlight filtering in through the sheers. His was nearest the door, and he zipped into the hall as if he had his bike beneath him.

  Nervous as he’d been, he might’ve downed a boatload of tea and needed the bathroom. Chasing him down and embarrassing him wouldn’t win her points.

  But the stairs waited that way, too. Their phones. Henry’s voice. If he’d dashed downstairs, she’d fucked up her partner duties bigtime. Narrowly propped, the door blocked her view. Resolving to give him five minutes before she went looking, she snagged a two-seater couch angled toward the door. The seconds ticked by.

  Most of the women had migrated to the lounge area. Emma introduced one. Molly. Holly. Something like that. Molly, or Holly, or whoever, wanted suggestions to make her negotiations with dominants generate more fulfilling scenes.

  No brilliant strategies presented themselves. She’d picked a smart-as-hell dominant and let him interrogate her for hours. And fallen in love. Some of the two dozen others handled the advice giving. Good stuff, maybe, but she’d hit four minutes on her count. Four oh one. Four oh two.

  A woman sat in the space on her right. Jay’s spot.

  “Hi, Alice.” Skittish-eyed Leah strung two whole words together. A whisper, but a complete sentence. “May I—” Her blush deepened. “I don’t know anyone else here.”

  She almost reminded Leah she didn’t know her, either, because Leah hadn’t said a word during tea. “Sure.” Taking her irritation and worry out on the kid would’ve been cruel. Leah had spoken without being asked, even if her objective was Jay’s seat. Scaring her would be counterproductive. “Sure, that’s—”

  Jay shuffled in the door and stopped. Shifting his weight, he scanned the room.

  Fuck it.

  Standing, she beckoned to him with a firm come here. No silly waving, tentative gestures, or curling fingers. A mimic of Henry at his most commanding, she formed a solid wall and curt demand.

  Jay hustled to her side.

  Reeling him in tight with one arm, she whispered, “You talk to Henry? You wanna leave?”

  He shook his head, but he clung to her. Always pushing himself.

  Leah’s seat poaching suddenly seemed a gift and a half. Jay needed her strength. Cupping his face, she aimed to match Henry’s gentle murmur. “Waiting pose. Relaxed, please.” Heart thumping, she sat.

  He sank, his shoulders and neck relaxing. Warm and heavy, he curled against her calves and laid his head on her knee.

  She brushed his hair back and settled her hand above his ear. Only then did the silence and the stares register.

  “You have a sub?” A pinch-faced woman packed into a too-tight blouse glared across the circle. “Dominants aren’t supposed to be here.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Obviously he’s the junior.” The tall brunette who’d sat beside Jay at tea nailed condescending snob from the get-go. “She’s training the boy for her master. Or he’s a dom learning how the other half lives. You should’ve warned us, Emma. Inviting a pretender—”

  “He’s not pretending anything!” She choked back the urge to swing a teapot at the queen bee’s head. Anyone who’d thought him a dom eavesdropping should’ve fucking asked. “If you’d bothered to talk to him, you’d know that.”

  “Ladies. We’ve an excellent point for discussion here.” As Emma cut through the cro
ss-talk, she projected calm pleasantry. Navigating outbursts and flaring tempers fell under her usual job description. “The purpose for our tea has been to get to know each other better. We mean to offer support and understanding.”

  Alice soothed herself in Jay, in the softness of his thick hair and the wash of his breath. Even if tea had gotten as fucked up as her first night at the club, Jay at least took comfort from her presence. He wanted so damn bad to help warn players about Cal and make Henry proud.

  Palm up, Emma gestured toward Ms. Queen Bee. “Wendy, the seating assignments weren’t random. You might have benefited from asking Jay about his living situation.”

  The tall, bitchy brunette stared at Alice and Jay.

  Clicking her tongue, Emma dropped her arm. “The relative silence from your table likely means you also missed the opportunity to speak with Claudia. Both could have suggested new ways of looking at your current difficulties.”

  “You’re cubs? Long-term?” The slim, muscled woman in the jewel-green shirt had been sitting on the brunette’s other side during tea. “Co-submissives, sorry. We shortened it at our house. Long story. I’m Claudia.” With one jaunty wave at Jay, she raised her status from Team Ostracizing Bitch to potential ally. “My Charlie couldn’t get the day off work. He was so disappointed.”

  Perking up, Jay delivered a hesitant return wave.

  “Our master almost had to discipline him for moping. Charlie’s so overdramatic.” Beneath a cap of strawberry blond hair, Claudia wore a fond smile. “If you’re allowed, we should get together sometime. Shoot hoops.”

  Imploring Alice with his eyes, Jay tumbled into the give and take of their weekly bedroom inspection. Waiting on permission unlined his face and quieted his fidgeting.

  Her basketball skills hovered south of abysmal, but she’d toss up a million air balls if Jay got to hang out with another submissive guy. She nodded.

  “We’ll ask Henry.” Jay, at full volume and vibrating, would for certain launch his campaign tonight. Or in the car. Hell, on the way to the car. “He’s flexible about free time.”